Becoming a #mother was always something I knew I wanted one day but I never longed to be a mother, at least not at an early age. My husband Ron and I wanted to do certain things before becoming parents. We wanted to get married, enjoy being newlyweds and travel a bit. After our honeymoon in the summer of 2017, I finally felt like I could actually do this! Like a lot of couples say, we were not NOT trying.
I was beginning to wonder why I hadn't gotten pregnant once we hit the 1.5 year mark. I wouldn't say I was worried but I definitely thought something may be going on. I went to my doctor to get some tests done and from that I learned I had #PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). This is basically "cyst-like" follicles that surround the ovaries like a pearl necklace causing a woman to not ovulate. My doctor suggested I change up my diet a bit and continue to exercise but to try and conceive naturally.
January 2019, Ron and I had just returned from a New Year's Eve wedding in Nashville. I had felt a little off towards the end of the trip but I chalked it up to me about to get my period. I went ahead and took a pregnancy test just to rule that out and it was negative. I would be lying if I said I was relieved. That whole week I was impatiently waiting for my period to arrive and by Friday, it still hadn't come. I got home from work and decided to take another test. It was positive!!! I was alone in my house with my dog, crying, saying over and over "I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant!" I secretly recorded Ron's reaction when I handed him the test, crying in his arms, amazed that this has happened! I was so excited!
I went to the doctor for bloodwork and was asked to return a week later for more to make sure the numbers double - which would ensure a healthy pregnancy at that point. A few days after my second labs, I received a phone call letting me know that my numbers did not double but in fact decreased. When I asked what this meant, they said it could mean a miscarriage. I was distraught. I needed to leave work early and went home feeling completely devastated. The next day, I started to bleed. Ron came with me to the doctor for our ultrasound to see what was going on and it was confirmed that I had miscarried at about 5 weeks. This was the worst experience of my entire life. When a woman hears she is pregnant, no matter how soon, she becomes a mother. That baby is as real to her as it would be outside of her. I had lost my first baby.
After taking some time to grieve the loss, my doctor put a plan into place. I was placed on Letrozole, a medication that would help me ovulate. I currently was not ovulating due to my PCOS. She told me it could take up to 3 cycles so to just be patient and have fun with it. It was time to take a test according to the schedule - September 3 (this was such a sexy time in our romantic relationship....insert sarcasm here). POSITIVE! I was pregnant! After one cycle! I was beside myself with happiness. But naturally, I was nervous. I had been here before. I knew what it felt like to have this happiness ripped away from me abruptly. I was happy, but I wouldn't allow myself to feel too much until my second labs came back to confirm doubled numbers. THEY DOUBLED! Bring on the happiness!
My pregnancy was amazing. I loved every moment. I saw the blessing in every pain. I was so nauseous my first trimester and I was so happy because it meant the baby was healthy. When I first felt her kick, it was magic. She was really in there! I loved that feeling. The heartburn, the aching, the food aversions, I loved it all. I was so grateful to be pregnant and feel anything it had to give me that I didn't care if I was uncomfortable.
I went into the hospital on May 16, 2020 - right in the height of covid - at 40 weeks and 2 days. I wasn't scared at all. I remember sitting in the waiting room and telling Ron "if they say I have to do a c-section, we're doing it. As long as she is healthy!". We were in the room and I got the epidural. I happened to be the only one on the floor that night so the nurses were coming in frequently to see how I was and get a little conversation in. I didn't mind, I like talking to people :). I had just gotten my second dose of epidural when 7 nurses ran in and with their bright and cheery attitudes said "ok! We're going to have a baby RIGHT NOW!" Vale's heart rate was dropping and my blood pressure was too. I tried to push but I felt absolutely nothing! I was not pushing hard or fast enough. I needed to get to the OR immediately. They threw scrubs at Ron and I was down the hall to the OR. In a matter of 8 minutes from the time I got in there to the moment she entered the world, Vale Presley Wysocky had arrived. 7lbs 2oz at 6:04 a.m on May 17, 2020. Our lives would never be the same.
Vale is now about to be 15 months. She is the light of our lives and an angel of a child. I like to think that my first baby handpicked her for us. Our first baby knew exactly what we needed as parents and gave us the most perfect child we could have asked for. I truly believe that. Vale is our rainbow baby and our rainbow everyday. I will probably never be able to put into words how much she means to me, but I am going to do my very best to be the mother that she deserves and bring her as much joy as she has brought me in her 15 short months of life.
I wanted to write about this to let any other woman know that if you are going through #infertility, #miscarriage, or any other trauma, you are not alone. So often we are scared to talk about things that may be considered taboo but I feel that just alienates people and makes things worse. You will become a mother. Whatever that journey looks like for you, it will happen. And you will look back and be so proud of the journey you went on to get there. It not only makes you a stronger woman, but it makes you a stronger mother as well. You got this mama! Your baby is ready for you when the time is right. Trust the process. Sending you love!
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